Fancy being trapped in an Ally McBeal theme bar in a hall of mirrors forever? Then you should be watching The Dilemma, which is on Channel 4 on Sunday at 9pm. Stuart Heritage reflects back
"Love can be very filling. Like a big hot fudge sundae" - Nick
It's best that you try to see The Dilemma as a three-way power struggle between Ron Howard (who likes to make prestigious, emotion-filled retellings of momentous real-life events), Vince Vaughn (who likes to make films where he gets to babble directionlessly and then embark upon a completely unnecessary dance sequence) and Kevin James (who likes to make films where he falls over and/or learns a series of important lessons from zoo animals).
If that's the case, the result is a straight tie between Howard and Vaughn. Vaughn probably just shades it because there is babbling – oh lord, there is babbling – but Howard also steals a few points with occasional and sudden lurches into out-and-out melodrama. Poor Kevin James barely gets a look in. Perhaps there's a file of deleted scenes somewhere where he scrambles around a fancy restaurant on some loose marbles while being taught the true meaning of friendship by an animatronic moose, but that's doubtful. Anyway, The Dilemma. Vince Vaughn sees his best friend's wife (Winona Ryder) kissing another man. Should he tell him? Of course he should. That's not actually all that much of a dilemma, really.
"The conscience speaks, not in audible words, but through that small voice from within" - Ronny
Part of the reason why The Dilemma is such a mess is that it's one of those weird, smug upscale relationship comedies along the lines of 2010's How Do You Know, where everyone lives in a tastefully-lit loft and always wears a blazer and constantly has perfect hair. And, crucially, everyone likes abysmal music. Watching The Dilemma is like being trapped in an Ally McBeal theme bar in a hall of mirrors forever. The music never stops. It accompanies everything from ping pong games to scenes where characters literally just eat some cereal. The Dilemma has one of the most harrowingly ubiquitous soundtracks since Confessions of a Shopaholic. And it's got The Fratellis in it. Twice. The fact that this isn't an arrestable offence genuinely confuses me.
In hindsight, The Dilemma now looks like a half-hearted companion piece to this year's misguided Vince Vaughn vehicle The Internship. Where The Internship happily sold its soul to a megacorp like Google, The Dilemma attempts something similar with Chrysler. Vaughn and James want to work for Chrysler more than anything, and Vaughn drives a Chrysler (often across bridges in the sunshine as he smiles with contentment at his beautiful car), and the Chrysler board are so darn approachable that they can be won over by a funny PowerPoint presentation of some cats. The film's happy ending is basically just people grinning at the sound of a Chrysler. Vince Vaughn is getting so good at product placement that I'm actually really looking forward to his next film, entitled Hey Everyone Those Goldman Sachs Guys Are Actually Pretty OK Once You Get To Know Them.
"I don't know if you ever know anyone entirely" - Ronny
But this is all window dressing to The Dilemma's real problem: its moral confusion. Obviously, since it's ultimately a bromance film between Vaughn and James, Winona Ryder is the villain of the piece. But doesn't Kevin James get masturbated to completion by a Vietnamese masseuse several times a week? Don't we more or less see that exact thing happen? So according to The Dilemma, if you're going to cheat, it's better to pay than to just do it with some guy for free. Also, Vince Vaughn cops an awful lot of crap for withholding information while he's pondering his dilemma. So according to The Dilemma, getting a handjob off a prostitute is better than having a full-blown affair, but both are better than not immediately blabbing all of your secrets to everyone you know before you've had a chance to figure out the repercussions properly. Good to know.
Observations
One redeeming feature of The Dilemma - in the very first scene, Kevin James calls Vince Vaughn out for all his trademark bibbidy-babbiness. But it doesn't stop him. It never stops him.
When did Jennifer Connelly become Hollywood's go-to brittle wife character? That's who she plays in The Dilemma. It's pretty much the only role she ever plays, and it's such a waste of her talents. In other news, look out for Jennifer Connelly in next year's Noah, where she plays … oh, Noah's wife.
Another bright spot is Channing Tatum. The film gets about 20 times better every time he's given something funny to do. Which is twice, if you're counting.
I want a job where all I have to do is record the sound of car engines all day too. It looks like a piece of cake. I don't know what Kevin James kept whining about.
Remember the "On the line" internet joke from The Internship? You saw it here first. And that's something you're always going to have to live with.
Source: http://www.theguardian.com/film/filmblog/2013/sep/01/dilemma-film-recap
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