(Photo: Getty Images)
Love is dead, folks. Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson's real life romance born out of big screen vampire angst has reportedly come to an end. Early rumors suggest Rob was the over the relationship and had been distancing himself from Stewart as of late, culminating in his Kristen-less birthday celebration last week. According to People, Kristen has been holed up in her L.A. home, mourning the breakup.
But perhaps KStew shouldn't give up just yet. As an actress, she should know there are plenty of ways to patch things up. In order to get Rob back, she needs to look no further than the thing that brought them together — the movies. With these cinematic moves, Robsten will be back to normal in no time.
1. Play His Favorite Song Sometimes in moments of romantic turmoil, you have to let someone or something else do the talking. Lloyd Dobler knew this better than anyone in Say Anything when he showed up at his lady's doorstep blasting "In Your Eyes" from an old school boombox. Not sure if Rob's a Peter Gabriel fan, but there has to be a song that'll mend his broken heart, right?
2. Erase His Memories
In many ways, ignorance is bliss when it comes to relationships. If only the technology from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was around, Kristen could simply book an appointment for her and Rob to have their brains scrubbed of all the bad memories, especially that time she cheated on him with her 41-year-old Snow White director. (Of course, they'd then have to avoid reading the tabloids and using the Internet.)
3. Stalk Him
When a relationship ends abruptly and dramatically, change happens fast. Before she Kristen knows it, Rob will have employed the silent treatment, packed a Uhaul, and moved out of the home their once shared home. Solution: KStew should take a note from Forgetting Sarah Marshall and follow Rob wherever he goes, even if that means flying to a Hawaiian resort only to find he's banging a British pop star with bad hair.
4. Profess Your Love Via Giant Note Cards
When the guy in Love Actually shows up at Keira Knightley's door to silently reveal his undying love for her, it doesn't work out (probably because she's married to his best friend). But his head was in the right place with the grand romantic gesture. Once Kristen Stewart finds out where Robert Pattinson has moved to, it's time to see if she has better luck with poster-board love confessions.
5. Spend Quality Assassin Time Together
In Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's characters go from nearly killing each other to passionately reconnecting in a flurry of explosions and gunfire. And based on Brad and Angie's experience, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart don't actually need to be tag-team assassins to get back together. They simply need to make a movie about being tag-team assassins. Just ask Jennifer Aniston.
6. Get 'Knocked Up'
Nothing brings people together like having a child. If Seth Rogen can land a long-term relationship with Katherine Heigl after a one-night-stand resulting in literal baby-making, then Kristen Stewart can definitely win Robert Pattinson back by convincing him she's pregnant.
7. Impress Him with a Law Degree
Perhaps taking a break from the L.A. rat race in favor of pursuing higher education will prove to Rob that Kristen is on a path to bettering herself. It worked for Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, right? Even if a law degree fails to convince Rob to rekindle the romance, at least Kristen will have a second career to fall back on if the public shaming becomes too much to handle.
8. Survive a Zombie Apocalypse
Relationship drama seems trivial when society is overrun by zombies intent on chasing people down for brain sustenance. Which is why rescuing Rob from a zombie apocalypse à la Shaun of the Dead might be Kristen's best shot at being a hero AND making him forget all the bad times.
9. Join a Band and Win a Talent Show
In true '80s movie fashion, Revenge of the Nerds solves its leading man's romantic tribulations when the underdog wows the hot, popular girl with a simple Devo ripoff of at a college talent show. Seeing as how Robert Pattinson originally wooed Kristen Stewart with his music, maybe she can do the same and get him back with her own custom love songs.
10. Become a Superhero
Everyone loves a superhero. Mary Jane and Gwen Stacy fell for Spider-Man, Catwoman and Batman fell for each other, and maybe Robert Pattinson will once again fall for Kristen Stewart if she develops special powers and/or crime-fighting abilities. She'll definitely look better than Tobey Maguire or Andrew Garfield in a skin-tight latex suit, so she'll have that going for her.
11. Make a Heartfelt Speech in Front of His Friends
While Kristen Stewart's public apology didn't convince Rob to stay, she shouldn't give up on the impassioned plea approach. Next time, though, KStew needs to make sure her effusive speech includes a "you complete me" moment. Best case scenario: Things go down Jerry Maguire style, and she doesn't even have to get past "hello."
No comments:
Post a Comment